Is revenge bedtime procrastination why you’re always tired?

Overworked and under-rested

In 2018, a Chinese worker named Li dropped dead from a heart attack near the end of a 12 hour shift. He was working a “996” schedule, which was big in China, and meant he was at work from 9am to 9pm, 6 days per week. This maniacal, 72-hour workweek sounds awfully familiar to my life during medical school, and I’m still waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety so, no, it’s not sustainable.

Thankfully, the 996 schedule became illegal last August in China, in part due to its connection to the death of several workers. The concept of working yourself to death, however, is still common, even in the US. A recent survey of 2,841 Americans found that 1 in 3 people worked 50+ hours per week. On top of that, the people with a 60+ hour workweek got almost five hours less sleep each week than people who “only” worked 40-49 hours. Just half of these overachievers woke up feeling well-rested, which might explain why burnout and stress are at all-time highs.

Working long hours isn’t the only thing that’s interfering with sleep and draining our energy. A long workday that’s void of personal time is often followed by a desperate attempt at finding a sense of freedom in the evening using mind-numbing entertainment to relax. This vicious cycle is known as “Revenge Bedtime Procrastination.”

Bedtime procrastination

Writer Anne Petersen warns, “…most of the activities performed while revenge procrastinating don’t really compensate for the exhaustion they cause. They might feel essential and non-negotiable in the moment, as some semblance of “alone time,” but they’re really a double fuck you: they kinda suck in the moment, and they really suck in the cascading after-effects. You might feel like you’re soothing yourself, but maybe you’re just….punishing yourself.”

The problem at night isn’t procrastination or escapism—the reason why I think people are losing sleep is because of the type of habits that are practiced before bed. We procrastinate at night by doomscrolling, spending hours on social media, or binge-watching Squid King Bridgerton whatever. These quick hits of dopamine are stimulating the brain to look for more entertainment with a cost of avoiding sleep.

Nighttime procrastination isn’t new. Past generations just used different strategies, countering an over-stimulated day with central nervous system depressants like alcohol.

Therefore, creating new boundaries is the only way we can prevent passing this habit on to the next generation.

The Solution to RBP

What if there was a better way to wind-down? A way that motivates you for tomorrow, relaxes you, and doesn’t require an addictive, blue light-emitting screen. Since quitting your job isn’t a reality, or a sustainable solution, it comes down to modifying the behaviors that are still in your control.  

Escapism is essential

Social science writer Jeremy Sherman, argues that “We humans face way too much reality, more than a body can stand. We need escapism. Hobbies, pastimes, daydreams, and fantasies are how we discharge the tensions that accumulate in our anxious, exposed human lives.”

Step one towards a better night of sleep, and more energy tomorrow, is to make the conscious decision that you need to escape from the day. Most people don’t bother accepting that part, which is why they fall into a trap of watching TV because it’s easy and available. But, I’d bet you don’t feel like you scratched the itch after watching TV—you still crave more free time.

Similarly, if you don’t cherish the time you spend on your phone then don’t bring your phone into your bedroom at 10pm. Make this an active process, and keep your phone in the kitchen at night. Otherwise, you’ll need to fight the urge to escape the day in unhealthy ways, and the end of the day is the hardest time to ignore the call of Instagram and YouTube.

Next, choose an escape that aligns with your values, which ideally includes some form of movement or creativity. Instead of watching a cooking show or a DIY home renovation show, for example, you could cook a meal or finally finish that rocking chair that you pulled from a Seattle dumpster 3 years ago, but never got around to finishing.

Reading fiction is another, more energy-conserving, option as it involves the welcome distraction of fantasy without the melatonin-suppressing effect of a screen.

Master fiction writer, Neil Gaiman, notes “People talk about escapism as if it's a bad thing... Once you've escaped, once you come back, the world is not the same as when you left it. You come back to it with skills, weapons, knowledge you didn't have before. Then you are better equipped to deal with your current reality.” (I recommend reading Neil’s “The Graveyard Book” if you need a place to give your imagination a kick-start.)

Set boundaries

For many of us, the pandemic blurred the line between work and home, leading to more hours that aren’t exactly free-time because we gave-up our boundaries.

I often ask my patients “What are you practicing?” with the intention of highlighting the subconscious behaviors that we repeat on a daily basis. The implication is that we are always rehearsing something, whether it’s a healthy behavior or not, and it’s helpful to first identify what those patterns are so you can decide if that’s how you want to spend your life.

It’s natural to seek-out excitement after we finally turn-off the computer for the day, and I understand how this rarely involves going to bed early, but make sure this time is structured in a way that you choose.

Did you consciously decide to stop work at 6pm? Then for the love of god, stop checking your email after 6pm. You need to provide your subconscious with evidence that you are in control of your life, and that requires decision-making and boundaries that compound each day and form habits.

Start a daily practice after work that lets your body know you are done working for the day. Change into different clothes, turn on some music you enjoy, and turn off email notifications. This is the beginning of a nighttime routine that prioritizes yourself, not your job, and it’s important to have a definable kick-off point.

Find a flow state

In his book, Flow, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi states, “[In a flow state] concern for the self disappears, yet paradoxically the sense of self emerges stronger after the flow experience is over.”

Much like meditation, finding flow will bring your attention to a single task providing you with a sense of control. You can allow yourself the space to forget about your problems, your boss’ problems, and your kid’s problems, as you experience life in the moment.

What have you done in the past that put you so far in the zone that you couldn’t be lost in thought if you tried? Do that. For me, I find flow while surfing, mountain biking, and shooting my bow. All three leave me in a relaxed, post-flow state that is conducive to going to bed. If only Montana had an ocean...

Takeaway

In order to be effective again tomorrow, you need an escape from your job, from your family, from stress, and from all the things you “should” be doing.

You also need adequate sleep. I often revisit this quote from Mathew Walker, PhD in his book Why We Sleep to motivate me to put my phone away:

“There does not seem to be one major organ within the body, or process within the brain, that isn’t optimally enhanced by sleep (and detrimentally impaired when we don’t get enough).”

Our nighttime habits speak to our desires, but also to what we are trying to avoid. Part of the procrastination surrounding sleep is a desire to avoid the only time of the day when we are alone with just our thoughts. It’s easier to scroll until we are so tired that we can’t even think.

Acknowledge you need an escape, then set boundaries. You can also find a flow state in the afternoon to relax your mind, and prepare your body for sleep. In any case, as Walker also points out,“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” And the best way to get a night of quality sleep begins with a healthy bedtime routine.